What is it? On Existentialism/ No religion, no God, no light.

A la tarde tuve una de esas conversaciones con Heather, mi companera de trabajo, sobre Gavin, mis emociones y ella me dio su punto de vista tipo espiritual, no religioso, como siempre. Ella estuvo presente en el momento que conoci a Gavin, y viene siguiendo la historia en ingles, casi en vivo... [un cigarrillo mas a las 3am, aunque quiero dejar].

No queria dejar de incluir esto en mi blog, porque estoy experimentando una revolucion interna considerable, y quiero dejar registro de lo que pienso y del supuesto cambio a medida que sucede.

Una parte de mi quiere traducir este mensaje, pero primero que es largo y me llevaria toda la noche, anoche no dormi en toda la noche y hoy no la pase muy bien en el trabajo... y segundo, que aun no logro preservar la esencia de lo escrito en ingles cuando traduzco, me falta vocabulario...
Si alguien lee esto y tiene comentarios o aclaraciones, con gusto respondere.
Pero de momento simplemente copio y pego el mensaje que le envie a Heather en Fb hace un rato.

Heather, I'm sorry that this is so long, I can't share it in spanish, translating it loses its meaning for now, and you are the only person I'm having these "soulful" conversations with.

I think I'm going crazy, or something if not strange, at least a bit unusual is happening to me...
I'm finding too many coincidences, most likely thinking way too much... might give it a shot to meditation tonight ;)

Back in the day I wanted to see some movie, just a genre I enjoy (action flick with hot girls) and nothing too special about it, but I didn't see it. Years went by.

When snooping Gavin online, turned out that his nick is "Sucker Punch"... which happens to be the title of this movie. Obviously, I became more curious than ever about the movie (although his nick could be from a comic book - which he is so fond of- or it could also refer to "punching someone from behind" as well). Anyway, Sucker Punch is on its way from Amazon.

While shopping for the movie, I read some reviews and found some quotes as well...
Just like the one I posted on your wall, here it goes again:

"Who honors those we love for the very life we live?, Who sends monsters to kill us?, and at the same time sings that we will never die, Who teaches us whats REAL?, and how to laugh at lies?, Who decides WHY WE LIVE and what we'll die to defend?, Who CHAINS us?, and Who HOLDS the KEY that can set us FREE... It's You!, You have all the weapons you need, Now Fight!"

"Who holds the KEY that can set us FREE????" [The Tiffany's key??? LOL.]
Then it could also be the two of you perhaps???
Because HE happens to hold one "KEY", and is certainly stirring my inner world. And so do you, who happen to be stirring my thoughts as well.

So if anything, if I am the one who holds the KEY to set myself free - then the more reasons to want to buy myself the damned KEY! And we'll become the "sacred trilogy" of deep souls. LMAO.

Am I going crazy here??? Yeah, I need to get some sleep! I'm making way too many "connections".

And although I'm making fun of myself and these "coincidences"... there a few more quotes that are in such close connection with our earlier conversation, I couldn't help but sharing them with you:

"Everyone has an Angel. A Guardian who watches over us. We can't know what form they'll take. One day, Old man, Next day, Little girl [Another day an unbelievable attractive Paramedic who's about to leave town?]. But don't let appearances fool you, They can be as fierce as any dragon.
Yet they're not here to fight our battles. But to whisper from our hearts. Reminding that it's us. Its everyone of us who holds power over THE WORLD WE CREATE."

I might be going crazy, and most likely "putting him in an altar" haha.
In spanish I jokingly call him El Senor Todopoderoso, as in God All Powerful/ The miracle worker... or my OMGN which actually stands for oh my Gavin! in all his gavinity, For Gavin's sake, and the joke goes on...
But it's hard not to ponder, being sleep deprived, since for some inexplicable reason upon meeting him, I'm experiencing such a maelstrom of emotions and thoughts making me question my life, the reason of my existence and why having died I was brought back... that just for beginners.

There is also this other quote:

"You can deny angels exist, Convince ourselves they can't be real. But they show up anyway, at strange places and at strange times. They can speak through ANY character we can imagine. They'll shout through demons if they have to. Daring us, challenging us to fight. "

So then, I remembered [or I cannot forget?] most of our conversations... But specifically the one on our first meeting that Saturday, on my couch, after he shared a story about work and a couple where he resuscitated a lady, and I cried because I had lost someone and because I have died as well....
So he hugged me, and then he held my face with both hands, looked at me in the eyes with those mesmerizing eyes of his and told me:
"EVEN IF WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN [ :'( ] I want you to take this away with you, do not hold back on your feelings and emotions, life is short and unexpected. Always tell the people you love that you love them, because we never know when we could lose them or when we could go. That is the biggest regret people have during someone's final moment, not having told their loved ones how much they love them, I see it almost every day, and I experienced it myself'. [And so have I].

Well... Where to begin commenting on THAT?!!

To wrap up the quote party the last one I read goes, and I swear it's a quote...

"It's like we talked about, you control this world. Let the pain go, let the hurt go, let the guilt go. What you are imagining right now, that world you control. That place can be as real as any pain."

WTF Heather, wasn't that pretty much what you were telling me earlier? I know is not a secret concept, but the timing comes across as a little odd...

I napped from 7pm to like 10.30pm - now it's 3am and obviously I'm wide awake and my head is all over the place... Between reading Ortega y Gasset (the spanish philosopher) about love- in a philosophical way, more as a way to "soul search" and trying to understand WTF is happening to me.

3.15am voy a tratar de ir a dormir.
Obviamente pensar en el es la constante.

"If I get a good block of free time, I'll see what you are up to"....
Good block??? Wtf do you mean???
Way to build uncertainty.

Definitivamente pinta como causa perdida, y quizas, como mucho vuelva a verlo una vez mas...
Hace falta que aclare que estoy confundida?